Dreaming LIFE

October 26, 2006

Lucidity as a Means of Experiencing Enlightenment

So I’m trying to write something about the connection between the sensation of escaping the physical body in both the dream world and the waking world, and the ultimate aim of such experiences. I see a parallel between activities like flying in my dreams and my desire to float in a sense deprivation tank or meditate deeply, even in simple activities like rollerskating or shooting down huge waterslides  All these are means to a similar end, one in which we bend the rules governing the limits and sensation of movement, and the physical body itself, to experience something freeing and exhilarating.

 

It seems like so much of our culture consists of rituals that alter bodily sensation with this purpose in mind, to a lesser or greater extent. Many social and religious activities aim to take the physical sensations of the body – the sense of “I” being localized in the flesh – and alter or inhibit it. People take substances such as ketamine or LSD to remove conscious identity with the body. Common drugs like alcohol and marijuana displace the normal sensations of the body, much to the delight of their users. Religious and spiritual followers meditate or pray with the expressed purpose of losing their connection with their body and mind, replacing it with a sort of heightened mental awareness that absolves this sense of localization so much that it’s simultaneously not present at all and yet everywhere at once.

This is much of what I’m after when I lucid dream. First in the sense that my mind is already separated from it’s physical body i.e. the body sleeping in the bed, and secondly in that becoming lucid usually results in a profound ultra-awareness and connection to everything around me in the dream world. Knowing I’m dreaming and that everything - EVERYTHING! - around me, including other people in the dream who may be acting of their own accord, is all a construct of my mind puts me in a real union with everything present in the dream.

Simply becoming lucid is often associated with a deep euphoria which continues after I’m woken up. Is that euphoria the result of a deep sense of oneness in the dream, similar to what many experience when losing their sense of "I" to meditation, God, drugs, rhythmic music, etc and feeling Enlightened? 

 

July 17, 2006

Lucid Dream Experiences: A List

  •  Putting my hands through the floor as a "Am I really dreaming?" test 
  • Jumping up and putting my head through the ceiling (although I couldn’t see my upstairs neighbors apt)
  • Flying and Floating around - this is probably one of the most satisfying activities to do once you can control yourself in a dream.
  • Getting up out of my bed and walking around my room
  • Grabbing other dream characters by the shoulders and excitedly shouting to them "I’m dreaming! I’m dreaming!" This is what I did in my very first lucid dream, and the character in the dream was a friend of mine who was also trying to have lucid dreams that night.
  • Sex, Kissing. No need to elaborate here. :)
  • Attempting to change my entire environment - very hard. I’ve had little to no success with this one yet.
  • Memorizing the license plate number of a vehicle I had fallen alseep in and then "woke up" inside of, in a lucid dream. I then woke up from the dream, remembering the plate number I saw in the dream, and excitedly hoped to see the same plate on the truck in real life. Guess what? It didn’t work.
  • Seeing myself in a mirror and then realizing I’m lucid. My reflection was hardly there. I attempted to control my breathing as a means of gaining more control and lucidity. I could feel both bodies breathing - the dream body, and my body sleeping on the bed. I soon wake up in fear of sleep paralysis.
  •  

Using Vitamin B6 for Dream Enhancement and Lucid Dreams

Summary: Experimenting with doses between 150-400 MG over the course of 5 nights, I discovered that taking B6 in doses between 200-400 MG had an obvious effect on my dreams. They became aggressive, odd, vivid, often mean-spirited and disturbing. Only once did I experience a lucid dream.


Night One: 150 MG B6

I had really bad dreams, but I’m skeptical to contribute this to the B6.

 
Night Two: 200 MG B6

No discernable effects. I took the pills 2 hours before falling asleep and I believe this is why they had no effect.

Night Three: 200 MG B6

Took my B6 pills immediately before falling asleep this time, and I woke up just two hours after falling asleep with a dream fresh in my mind. I immediately typed up everything still lurking in memory from the dream world. My dreams were very detailed, odd, and unfortunately had no element of lucidity in them, except in the most round-about of ways as noted below.

"I’m running right on Western Boulevard.. It’s night time. I’ve got blonde hair - it’s not me, it’s some really cheesy guy. It’s a movie actually. I’m doing all sorts of commando shit. A cop car comes out real quick, first turning away from me and then changing directions because they’re chasing after me. I’m jumping and hiding in trees. They’ve fired missiles at me and I’m able to jump around and dodge from them. The irony is that they end up striking the nuclear material I was trying to destroy. As if this is more of a interactive action movie than a dream, a crazy theme song is now playing. I say some poetically dorky statement ton how I came to destroy these nuclear weapons but the government ended up and destroying their own nuclear weapons in the pursuit of me. Insane rings of fire are wrapping out around me everywhere. These rings of fire (branches too? ) were spiraling up and wrapping around all over the place, with me jumping around them and on them, from one to another… the angle I’m seeing all of was like an action movie with brilliant graphics, like a badass comic book. I’m spiraling up & up and & up. If you’re quick and you’re watching the movie you’re able to jump all in the trees with all the fire wrapping around, and stay with him. At first I can do it but then it gets too fast."

This part of the dream was particularly vivid. I cannot express how brilliant these rings of fire were and what it was like to be dreaming around them and through them. If only I could have become lucid!


Earlier parts of the dream involved my wife and I being involved in prostitution, pimping and drug dealing. This is the quasi-lucid element of the dream. I dreamt of how my dream was so messed up, and I try to get other people in my dream who seem upset by the dream content to write down their knowledge of the dream so I can compare notes and see if they really know what I dreamt. I wrote:

"Other people know how fucked up the dream I just had was. I try to get them to write it down before telling me, that way we can compare notes. I stress locations -don’t tell me anything now, just write down location and details - hoping that the gutter on Western and Avent Ferry would come up."

Night Four: 300 MG B6

I know I had three specific dreams, but I only remembered one dream well enough to write it down. This dream was no fun at all. It shared the same theme of my dreams from the first night; betrayal, cheating, jealously. Probably planted by an email conversation I’ve been having with a friend on a related subject.

 

Night Five: 400 MG B6

I’ve read that around 1000 MG, B6 becomes toxic to the body. At less than half that I experienced chills and tingles throughout my body and woke up with a stomach ache. Because of this I’m not sure if this is a healthy experiment for me to continue.

This is unfortunate, because last night I experienced by far the strangest and most fantastic of dreams out of all these nights. This includes the first lucid dream experienced on B6, of which I wrote the following:

"I had a lucid dream when I first went to bed. By the end, it was quite scary actually. I just remember going to the bathroom in the dream and crossing a mirror and knowing I’m dreaming at this point. I try to breathe firmly and slowly to calm myself down in the dream. I can feel myself breathing in both bodies. I can’t really see myself too good in the mirror. I don’t’ understand the order of what happened next, but somewhere, I either felt a sense of sleep paralysis or imagined would it could feel like and this freaked me out, causing me to wake up. It seemed I really was for a moment in some sort of in between zone where my chest felt paralyzed. I believe this happened because before I went to bed I was reading about an experience with sleep paralysis on the dreamviews.com message board."

The rest of what I remember is largely one big crazy dream buffered with very scary, unpleasant and for a moment, quite magical feelings, such as the quantum physics elevator. Most of the dreams disturbing aspects related to killing animals that would then split into two animals, constantly regenerated themselves.

I wrote this about it at 1:30 AM, just two hours after I went to bed:

"I’m breaking up my dog Malcolm into two. I do not know why, but it needed to be done - this wasn’t an act of hate or cruelty. I’ve crushed him and he’s broken. I’m splitting him up, CRUNCH, pounding on him, putting my weight on him to crush him, and it’s like he won’t die. He keeps popping back into this little devil of an animal. This never really looked like Malcolm.

There’s this kitten that I’m trying to crush too - except this one comes back perfectly cute and small, with short gray fur nice to the touch. I’ve killed him over and over and every time he just regenerates - and once he comes back, I touch him and his head just fucking falls right off like it’s nothing. I do this a handful of times.

We’re really disgusted and frustrated, we don’t understand how they’re divisible and keep splitting up and regenerating. I’m outside and this one animal shoots out - it was particularly disgusting, horrid, and I believe Iryna called for me to take care of it. She/this woman and another are outside, it’s some sort of European-esque courtyard, with an elevator in the corner."

Before going to bed I was reading theories on body/mind dualism, and materialism. The references to Aristotles thoughts on being able to conceive of the body as divisible but not the mind as divisible (thus the mind can exist without the body, he thought) crept up in this dream in the form of dead or dying animals dividing their bodies into two separate beings. Crazy!

At this point I must have entered the elevator which was taking me to work, because this is what I remember next:

"In the elevator it’s like a different world. The experience is very positive. Quantum physics has everything in two states at once. I’m tall and short. I can see a crazy reflection of myself in the walls. Erv is in there - I look at him and flex my body while making a face and joking around that he’s a brick wall because he’s so buff and strong.. Malinda and I are saying this is what makes the job cool - cool stuff like this. I’m telling her how quantum physics allows for something to be in two physical states at once - like two different sides of the same coin - and then these two sides follow a different timeline, separately, but at the same they’re not separate. She’s saying how stuff like this amazes her but just loses her, however it’s parts of the job like this that are just so cool."

I then get off the elevator and pass up a sushi lunch on the way to my desk to see what I have to do today. My work place isn’t the office building is truly is in real life - it’s more like a grocery store. Before I get to my desk I realize I don’t work here anymore, and I find it incredulous that I showed up and even interacted with some of my coworkers in the elevator and no one remembered that last week was my last day! (Which is true - I quit last week to start a new job this week.)

 

The last dream I remember - instead of writing it down in the middle of the night, I lazily - dammit! - continued back to sleep and wrote down only a few details upon waking, with the feeling that I really missed something big and important. The dream came to me with the title of ‘The Telepathic Universe’, most definitely a reference to the book I’ve recently read called The Dreaming Universe. The most compelling memory involves going through a looped sequence of events in which I’m fighting and attacking and pursuing some goal. The details changed every time but the overall structure of the loop was the same.

"An elevator door would open and I wouldn’t know what was coming out - it was a woman, and once I believe it was a lizard, and now I’m having images of men with bug heads - and as soon as the doors open I charged in and killed them. They disappear simply by my striking them. My present was then a circular block that opened with keys inside them, which I’d use to move on to the next thing. The keys were large and ancient looking, almost like novelty keys or keys you’d see in a videogame.

I cannot escape this feeling that there was much more to this dream and a very real reason why I awoke with this thought of ‘the telepathic universe’ in my mind. Could it be that each loop represented a sort of parallel universe and the keys connected them all? Oh if only I could remember!

 

Some final thoughts:

It blows my mind that two nights I awoke just two hours after taking the B6 and falling asleep having experienced very vivid dreams. I thought the way REM worked wouldn’t allow for such dreams to occur so early in the stages of sleep. What exactly then does B6 do to the brain and to the natural structure of REM occurrences?

For those who are able to easily gain lucidity when after taking it - congratulations, I envy you. This didn’t work for me, except for once, at a dose that I have serious considerations of its safety after repeated usage. I’ve read of many people who experience a lucid dream the first time they take a high dose of B6 - this is great! Yet I wonder what role the expectations placed on B6 has in experiencing a lucid dream. Can high doses of this vitamin inherently cause lucid dreams- and if so, what is it about B6 and the brain that causes this to happen? OR is there a placebo effect involved here? Could it be that what creates the lucid dream is not the B6 but the expectation that B6 is going to cause a lucid dream?

 

 

 

July 13, 2006

“Neuroscientists Find God in Mushrooms”

Filed under: Brain Science, News

"A universal mystical experience with life-changing effects can be produced by the hallucinogen contained in magic mushrooms, scientists claimed yesterday.

Forty years after Timothy Leary, the apostle of drug-induced mysticism, urged his 1960s hippie followers to "tune in, turn on, and drop out", researchers at Johns Hopkins University in the US have for the first time demonstrated that mystical experiences can be produced safely in the laboratory.

 
They say that there is no difference between drug-induced mystical experiences and the spontaneous religious ones that believers have reported for centuries. They are "descriptively identical". "

Click here to read entire article in a new window. 

What worries me about headlines like this is that reaffirms this idea that consuming hallucinogenic substances automatically makes you more enlightened. Taking shrooms and tripping does not turn you into some enlightened guru!! Nevertheless, quite a fascinating article on the controlled use of mushrooms as a gateway to mystical experiences. This type of research is part of a broader movement based on studying the neurology of religion, known as "neurotheology."

And with a kickass name like neurotheology, I think this type of research will be sticking around for awhile.

 

July 11, 2006

“Dark Visions, Ancient Fears” - Nightmares as an Evolutionary Response to Primitive Dangers

Filed under: Nightmares, News

"Those dreams about being chased by wild animals may not be meaningless after all. And the bottomless pits, the running but not moving, and those rooms with no doors and windows, they also may have a real purpose."

Click here to read the full article

An interesting piece about nightmares and dreams being an evolutionary response to recognizing and dealing with the problems faced by our ancestors. Researchers says dreams are a playground for the mind to replicate threatening situations, allowing us to develop skills to deal with life-threatening experiences in the real world. They claim the majority of dreams contain threatening events. This universal nightmare of being chased by monsters is familiar to everyone, hinting at the idea of early humans being chased by another type of monster - hungry wild animals.

July 9, 2006

A review of The Dreaming Universe by Fred Alan Wolf

 

 

The Dreaming Universe:  A Mind-Expanding Journey Into the Realm Where Psyche and Physics Meet
Written by Fred Alan Wolf, Ph.D

 

 

The Dreaming Universe is quite a wild ride. I was scratching my head wondering to myself just what the hell this book is ultimately about in between riveting passages on near death experiences, lucid dreams, God, quantum physics, the Aboriginal concept of the dreamtime, UFO’s, consciousness, the imaginal-realm, Jung, Freud, Libet, an odd foray into Russian art and architecture, and quite a lot more. This book covers a wide range of concepts and subjects in an attempt to illustrate the Mr. Wolf’s central thesis:

 

we dream to create the self/non-self split between ourselves and everything else that exists.

 

This theory caught me off guard and while I absolutely enjoyed reading this book, upon finishing it I didn’t feel that he had conclusively proven this point.

 

He opens with the book by stating this thesis and then backs up to Frued and Jung and their theories of the psyche and on dreams. Wolf attempts to lead the reader through these theories keeping in mind the physics at the time. It was through the lense of a very mechanical, classical Newtonian viewpoint of the world that Freud theorized the mind to consist of different parts, comparing it to the steam engine, similar to the popular comparison today between the mind and the computer. Freud thought of dreams as what happened when the electrical charge built up by neurons inside the brain were discharged. He theorized that dreams allowed a person to fulfill their repressed unconscious desires while allowing their ego to sleep.

 

This contrasts to Carl Jung’s theory that dreams relate to origins and ideas, that dreams are here to tell us something about our future behavior -  that dreams were here to actually reveal something to us. Jung believed that dreams tapped into what he called the universal unconsciousness. In this realm you find the themes and images – or rather, tendencies towards these themes and images – that are common to all people of all cultures, for all time. He calls these themes archetypes. I’m totally fascinated by Jungs theories on this universal unconsciousness and I was hoping to find more of Wolfs thoughts on it. I see it relating to another concept Wolf speaks called the imaginal-realm (more on this later.)

 

Wolf then loses me with complex details on Jungs ideas and his own ideas on energy, but picks me up again with synchronicity. Synchronicity says that order can exist outside of the simple cause and effect manner so prevalent in our Western way of thinking. This is to say, if something happens, it’s not necessarily because of what happened before it. I find this a strange and odd viewpoint, and yet it parallels (no pun in tended) with ideas found within Wolfs profession as a quantum physicist.

 

Wolf then traces us to theories on dreams before Frued and Jung, back to the time when dreams were seen as messages from the Gods and then to the roots of modern dream research with Aristotles viewpoints that dreams were residual impressions on our senses. 

 

In one of the more fascinating sections of the book, Wolf writes about the concept of time in a dream and if it time really exists in the same sense as it does to us outside of dreaming. I have often wondered if my dreams really were experienced in time. It’s hard to explain – but do dreams exists as a real narrative, an experience that lasts as long as it felt it lasted? Or are they more like an implanted memory, and upon waking up, we order the events and feel that it all went from point A to point B, when in fact it was all simply packaged up and delivered to us at once? We are treated to a fascinating experience of Alfred Muary’s, a dream researcher from the 19th century, who had a winding dream involving the French revolution. He was tried and sentenced to death. He walks through the streets on the way to the guillotine, hands tied behind his back, and up the stairs to his death. He lies on his stomach and puts his head on the block and the blade comes down, separating his head from his body. This crazy dream experience startled Muary so much that he awoke and was then fascinated to learn that the top of his bed had fallen on his neck in precisely the same place the blade had touched his neck in the dream! Is it possible that the dream then occurred in the space of less than a second, projecting the experience of the dream backward through time or was it just a big coincidence?

 

……

 

There is simply too much to cover for a book such as this that brings together so many ideas, sometimes in a disjointed and unorganized manner. Instead of attempting to summarize the book bit by book, I’d simply like to share with you what I found to be the most fascinating issues brought up within this book.

                  

 

A concept explored in detail is the imaginal-realm (IR). This term is used to describe the realm of the dream and the reality that exists beyond our normal waking perception. It includes lucid dreams, prophetic dreams, and related phenomenon such as near-death experiences and even UFO abductions. The imaginal realm is a way to describe this grey area of ‘reality’ that isn’t exactly real in the everyday sense of the word. We can’t say where it is in terms of space and time, and yet it’s a place that is there, somewhere.

 

Near-death experiences (NDE) and UFO phenomenon have always fascinated me and Wolf postulates that they border into a world of fantasy and folklore that are aspects of a dreaming unconsciousness, something in the vein of Jungian archetypes. Remember that Jung believed images that surfaced into our dreams could come from this universal unconsciousness, so here we see a connection between the dream world and NDE and UFO’s. Could it be that somehow these imaginal realm or that these archetypes somehow coalesce with our everyday reality and manifests themselves here?  I’ll quote here from page 219 “…it seems reasonable that a mental image can coalesce and stabilize in the material world, however briefly. So that we, in fact, are dreaming on a collective level and actually encountering something of that hybrid reality in a personal way.” Wolf compares these imaginal realm experiences to fundamental subatomic particles that exist for less than a period of a second but are  believed by scientists to be just as real as other particles, such as electrons, which basically exist forever.

This brings us to Tibetan Buddhists who practice creating tulpas – materialized thought forms. This is done by meditating intensely until this thought form is projected outward like a hologram that others can see and then becomes material. Very interesting, but Wolf wisely concedes this isn’t exactly scientific evidence for imaginal-realm objects manifesting themselves elsewhere.

 

Better than this, we are treated to the work of Michael Persinger and Paul Devereux. They relate UFO experiences to electromagnetics and tectonic stress, as in tectonic plate movement of the earth’s crust. These seismic events release an electromagnetic energy burst. At the right distance, someone could see this energy burst as a light show, similar looking to the light shows reported by those who have close encounters with UFOs. Lose some of that distance, and this electromagnetic energy may be physically felt in the body in such ways as tingling, goose bumps, and hair standing up on its ends. Closer than this, and this electromagnetic energy interrupts the brain, causing hallucinations and psychological disturbances!

 

Similarly, neurologists have discovered that by electrically stimulating parts of the brain, subjects enter into a “dreamy state.” Michael Persinger claims that are all component of NDE can be replicated with electrical stimulation of the temporal lobe. Fascinatingly, this includes the out of body experience, floating, being pulled towards the light, hearing strange music, and feeling a profound sense of meaning.

 

This leads to a strong correlation between imaginal-realm experiences and simple stimulation of the brain. What I want to know is  - where can I find a doctor who will hook me up to some electrical stimulation so I can jump right into the imaginal realm?!?  emoticon

 

 

 

The book closes with a rephrasing of the classic question “Do you believe in God?” Being that this is a  question I have thought of my whole life, I was really jolted by Mr. Wolf’s take on this question of belief and faith. Rather than asking “Do I believe in God?” he says, “Am I able to create within my life a sense of the presence of God?”

 

Mr. Wolf leaves the question open by answering that there is a basic mystery going on that is very deep. And occasionally he is open enough to see it, and when this happens, he is able to experience this presence. “It’s more of a question of awareness than belief,” he says. I agree.

 

 

                                        The Dreaming Universe by Fred Alan Wolf

 

 

July 8, 2006

Flying Vampires, Locusts, High School

1:12 PM 9/19/99

I had some extremely strange dreams last night, and one was very long and jumbled, so I’m just going to write down the scenes I can remember:

I am flying with a group of people over the USA. We see this country side town and immediately we all fly straight down into it. I remember the visuals of this so well - it was like a movie showing an extremely high aerial scene and then the camera taking you from 4 miles up in the sky to the Earth in about 4 seconds - that’s what I saw, as if I was watching it.

Myself and one or more other people were laying down on the grass outside of someone’s home at night. The ground was slightly hilly, and we were laying on it looking into the windows of this guys house. We were trying not to be seen. For some reason, a lot of people in the neighborhood were out, and I think they were all black, and none of them saw us, to my surprise, because it was so obvious we were hiding there, looking like burglars.

We are inside this persons house. I am standing up on the counter. There is much chaos and tension in the house - fear, from them. This town is full of violence, and I scream "Violence begets violence! This town will be overcome with locusts!",  & as I throw my left arm down through some sort of mental/magical power,  I explode this guys head.

The whole town knows about this, and everyone is screaming, trying to get out, trying to get away from the impending locusts.

I remember having faint thoughts about my friends who are this town dying because of the locusts, specifically Will C, but then remember this isn’t the town he lives in.

We fly away. I can remember the feeling of flying. I just would run and kinda jump and my body would be lifted up quickly and then I would be airborne and flying. The feeling when I would leave the ground - I can remember how it felt, but I just can’t describe it any better than this.

I am in a chemistry lab at my high school. It is supposed to be SRHS, but it’s not the actual building of SRHS. For some reason, the group I am with of flying people - I want to say we are vampires perhaps - are upset and make everything explode and we all fly off at once. I am planning on leaving the school, thinking I will have to disappear from this town forever. I see some people I know on the way, I think it was Sam from the tour, and I give him a hug and say I might never see him again. Then I overhear a classroom discussion about us, and I stick my head slightly in the room to ask what they just said, and the teacher said jokingly that they hear we can fly. I laugh, and then I see Will in the lunch room so I walk in and give him a a hug and tell him I may never see him again. As I am leaving I remember that I will still be able to check my email anywhere in the world, so I tell them that they can still email me and to please do so! I am pretty sure I then flew off.

We all flew off - there was a group of 4 or 5 of us - and I believe we fly to a nearby field.

 

 

 

Crazy lucid dream on astral travelling, false awakenings, & lucidity itself

July 23 1999

 

I was standing in my room, astral traveling. I knew I was really dreaming, but I was really standing up. I looked at the window and thought about jumping through it because it wouldn’t matter since this was a dream. At that moment I woke up laying on my bed with my head on the side of the bed pointing towards where the door opens, and a pillow under me as usual. I remember opening my eyes and the feeling of WAKING, of separation, of coming back into reality was very…FELT in me. I was sort of confused, but amazed, but at the same time too tired to have any real thoughts about it. Then I remember waking up AGAIN and turning around in my sleep. What really had happened was I dreamt I was astral traveling, dreamt I woke up, and then woke up in real life. I remember waking up FOR REAL this time, and thinking that I felt way too heavy and tired to actually be walking around. I do have a memory of standing up next to my bed and feeling my arms asleep, thinking I am not really awake. I do not know if I slept walk or if I dreamt that. I also remember dreaming up DREAM WORLDS where everything was floating and it was in a spaceless land, no floor, no ceiling. Their were flat/spherical stone like steps floating around, it was like a comic book. I remember waking up, acknowledging the fact that this was a dream world.

A violent dream on mind uploading, suicide

Filed under: My Dream Log

I was in line for my second suicide/backup and something hit me when I was up next - it didn’t feel right, the logic didn’t sit right. It seemed that If I had myself legally killed twice, then there was no way that that ‘I’ that was resurrected the 2nd time could possibly be me. Sure, it could have consciousness and be an "I" but it wasn’t ME.

 

 

So I’m next in line. (Norma is there.) And when it’s my turn I just grab my things and go, which causes quite an uproar and ends up messing up everyone else behind me. The guy in front of me somehow gets done and can’t find his (old) brain, all because I left the line at the last minute.

 

I steal a pen from a lady who works at the library who has pens spilling all over her work area. I go to a spot where a bunch of students are standing, to the only opening there is as they stand around a bookshelf that’s about chest height and I start writing. Then I ask if they were waiting for something and they’re laughing, because I think I was standing there like I was their instructor, in his spot or something. So I get up and sit down. Turns out they were a Baptist group of church kids. I realize this because once I sit down, I’m sitting right in front of some dramatized Christian theatre. And there’s this gangsta kid sitting next to me, crying, with his head down, mumbling about how he must change and has gotta stop pulling the trigga blah blah blah. Mike (from ECPI) (the one who in the Navy) is sitting on the other side of him. He asks me if I’m Christian and I say no, and he tells me the same, and then somewhat rudely, says a few things about why he’s not. (It was rude because it was in the presence of these Christians.)

 

The guy sitting next to me -  I think I begin comforting him. We stand up to walk away and I realize there’s bright hot pink fresh puke on my leg - he did it. This was all some sort of scam. I’m really mad. Really mad. He runs off, and I run back and pull a handgun outta some guys hands and I chase this guy out of the room and into some hall ways. I knew he had a gun too, and so I’m thinking ahead that I have to be perfect here or else he’ll shoot me. I run through the hall and I’m turning through different hallways and then I dive forward and see him, (now a chubby black kid, not gangsta looking -  now he’s light skinned & well dressed) mid-air I aim, and shoot, and see that the bullet is going in him before he can shoot me. But before he actually dies he is able to pull his the trigger and he shoots me.

 

This is the same hallway leading to the area where the doctors/scientist did assisted suicides/backups/etc and with this last pull of the trigger, my finger gets stuck on the bullet and both penetrate his head, leaving a bloody finger sticking out the back of his skull.

 

I move beyond him and I can see the line forming of people waiting to be seen. Over the hallway, I can see the tops of their heads and then I see it - this kid killed everyone, every single one of them, and they all had a bloody finger sticking out of the bullet hole in their head.






















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